Mark said it clearly in this video: in everyday conversation, you may only use one or two of these principles at a time. But when conflict arises - use all six, in order. Here is the complete roadmap in one place.
P
Pause - Hit the button before anything else.
Let your emotions dial down. Get the rational part of your brain back online. Shift your focus from yourself to the other person.
30 seconds or 30 minutes - whatever it takes.
L
Listen - To understand, not to defend.
Someone shares first. The listener stays quiet - except to ask for clarification. Let the harsh words fly by. Hear the heart of what is being said.
The only time you speak is to ask for clarification.
E
Echo - Reflect back what you heard.
When you think you understand, echo back to make sure. Ask if you heard correctly. If not - go back and listen again.
Forces you to really listen. Slows everything down.
D
Disarm - Validate their story.
It's not about can you agree, but can you see? Walk around to their side.
Then get quiet and let it soak in.
G
Give - Share your perspective. Wait for the microphone.
Only after listening, echoing, and validating. Wait for them to ask - or ask if they are willing to hear your thoughts. Then roles reverse.
This will make ALL the difference in the world.
E
Engage - Keep going until you are both at a better place.
Loop back through as many times as needed. Then make every one of these principles part of how you live and relate every single day.
Creating a culture of honor - less conflict, more love.
Two Modes - Same Principles
Everyday conversation and conflict both need PLEDGEtalk.
Mark drew this distinction clearly in the Bonus video. Here is how the principles apply in each setting.
In Everyday Conversation
→Use one or two principles at a time
→Pause before you speak - become someone who speaks wisely
→Echo back to show people you are really listening
→Validate what others say - they will love having you around
→Give everyone a chance to speak
In Conflict
→Use all six principles - in exact order
→Pause first - always
→Listen, Echo, Disarm before giving your perspective
→Switch roles and cycle back as needed
→Keep going until both are at a better place
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The Fighter Pilot Analogy
"I train my pilots in one life-saving protocol - to orient back to one basic maneuver when an enemy aircraft is on his tail. In the same way, people need to orient to PLEDGEtalk when in conflict, so they can save their relationships!" - TJ Flora, Navy Fighter Pilot and Top Gun trainer.
Mark's final word
Don't try PLEDGEtalk.
Do it.
It may feel awkward at first. Using the whole process in a real conflict will not come easy. But if you practice - it will not be long before it feels natural. PLEDGEtalk works. If you are patient, if you do not give up, if you keep working at it - you will see profound differences in all your relationships.
Mark's Three Suggestions
Where to go from here.
Mark closed the Bonus video with three specific invitations. Each one is worth taking seriously.
You have the roadmap. You know the six steps. You know the order. You have practiced. Now take it into every crossroads moment - every conversation - and love well!
You now have the roadmap. But knowing the steps and living them daily are two different things. That is what the Coaching Community is for.
Join Mark and Zerrin for weekly live coaching, real conversations modeled in real time, personalized Q&A, and the full depth of PLEDGEtalk. Grow together. Thrive together. Learn together what it means to love well as Jesus loves us.