You have worked all six waypoints on the roadmap. But complex conflicts - the ones that have been building for a while - rarely resolve in a single exchange. Engage means you keep cycling back through the process, switching roles, until both of you are at a genuinely better place. Not just a ceasefire. A real connection.
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The Loop Is the Process
Going back for round two or three is not a sign of failure - it is the process working exactly as it should. Each round of Listen, Echo, Disarm, and Give takes you deeper into understanding each other. Keep going until you are both at a better place.
The Big Idea - Part Two
Do not wait for conflict to use PLEDGEtalk.
The roadmap does not just lead you through a conflict - it teaches you a way of living. The principles of PLEDGEtalk are not a crisis tool. They are a way of relating every single day - with your spouse, your children, your coworkers, your neighbors, everyone.
P
Pause before you speak.
Get in the habit of checking how well you are valuing the person in front of you before words come out of your mouth.
L
Listen to understand - every day, everywhere.
Work hard to understand the heart of what others are saying. Make this your default, not just your conflict mode.
E
Echo regularly - especially in serious conversation.
When what is being talked about really matters, echo back what you heard. It will become second nature faster than you think.
D
Disarm and validate - and you will be someone everyone wants around.
Frequently validating what others say creates a culture of honor wherever you go - at home, at work, in your community.
G
Give everyone a chance to speak - and share your own perspective too.
Your ideas need to be heard. But practice hearing others' ideas first. Both things are true at the same time.
E
Engage in PLEDGEtalk every day - at work, at home, with your children.
If you use these principles daily, you will experience less conflict and more love - and you will be prepared when conflict does come.
A Story Worth Sitting With
What PLEDGEtalk gave Mark's son - and what it can give your children.
Micah's Phone Call - Social Capital
"Dad, you've not been able to help us out a lot financially - but on the other hand you really have. In fact, Dad, you have saved both Brittany, Taya, and me hundreds of thousands of dollars - because you taught us Social Capital. Because we grew up in a home where you and mom taught us how to love well, how to relate well to different people, how to look people in the eyes and communicate in a way that shows value to people - and because you showed us how to work through conflict - we've gained a sense of confidence when we relate to others. Dad, I knew that when I walked into Florida International University, I had the greatest chance of all to get their top scholarship - because I knew I could relate to the interviewers well."
Mark sat back with tears coming down his face. Teach PLEDGEtalk to your kids. It will change their lives and their relationships from this day forward.
📝Module 6 Homework - Engage and Win Together
Part 1 - Looking Back Over the Whole Roadmap
Reflect on everything you have learned.
Question 1
Think back to a conflict pattern in your marriage or family that you want to change. How would the six steps of PLEDGEtalk change that situation?
Question 2
Which of the six steps do you feel most confident in now? Which one will take the most continued practice?
Question 3
Mark said teaching PLEDGEtalk to your children may be one of the most important things you do for them. Is there a child - or anyone else - you want to share these principles with? What would that look like?
Part 2 - One Full Cycle
Attempt one complete round of PLEDGEtalk this week.
It does not have to be perfect. Just work the process. Come back here and write about what happened.
Mark's final challenge to you
Don't try PLEDGEtalk.
Do it.
PLEDGEtalk works. It really does work if you work it. Be patient with the process. Do not give up. Keep working at it. It will not be long before it feels natural - and you will see profound differences in all your relationships.