There are countless moments when we stand at a crossroads. Say the right thing and the conversation continues in a good direction. Say the wrong thing - and who knows where things end up. Pause is the first waypoint on the roadmap. It is not a new idea. You already know it to be true. The challenge is bringing it to the forefront of your mind and acting on it - especially when it is hardest.
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The Fundamental Pledge
Throughout the PLEDGEtalk process, there are moments when we must value the other person above ourselves. The Apostle Paul put it this way: "Above all else, earnestly endeavor to love..." Every time you Pause, you are choosing to live out that pledge.
From the Video
Three reasons we must learn to Pause.
Mark shared three reasons in this module. Read them again here before working through the homework below.
1
Our words carry the power of life and death.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue." The words you speak to your spouse, your child, your friend - they will either bring encouragement and life, or discouragement and despair. Pausing gives you the chance to choose life.
2
Emotions shut down our ability to think straight.
PET scans of the brain show that when emotions run high, the rational part of the brain literally shuts down. There is more truth than we realize in the phrase "I was so mad I couldn't think straight." Pausing gives your brain time to come back online.
3
We must realign our intentions with our Pledge.
Making a pledge to value others above ourselves is one thing. Living it out in a heated moment is another. We must regularly Pause to shift our intentions back to valuing the person we are speaking to - above our own need to be right or heard first.
"When my daughter said I made her feel more like a child than an adult... I immediately had all kinds of reactive thoughts going on in my head. Thank goodness I didn't verbalize them. Instead I immediately put myself in Pause mode - to let my emotions calm down, get the rational part of my brain back online, and shift my heart in line with my Pledge. What a difference that made in the rest of our conversation. It was beautiful."
- Mark Oelze, from the Pause video
📝Module 1 Homework - Practice Pausing
Part 1 - Reflect
Look back before you practice.
Question 1
Think of a recent conversation where you said something you wished you could take back. What was happening inside you right before you said it?
Question 2
Which of the three reasons to Pause (given above) resonates most with you personally - and why?
Question 3
When you think about "valuing the other person above yourself" in the middle of a conflict - what makes that hardest for you?
Part 2 - Practice
Pause in the moments that matter this week.
Scenario A - Someone asks you a question.
Instead of answering with the first thing that comes to mind, you Pause and think for a moment. What does that pause look like for you - and what might it change about your answer?
Scenario B - Your spouse or child snaps at you.
The instinct is to snap back. What would it look like for you to Pause instead - to let the emotions dial down before responding?
Part 3 - This Week
Catch yourself at the crossroads.
Moment 1
Describe a moment this week when you chose to Pause - and what happened next.
Moment 2 (optional)
One More Thing - Share It.
Mark said it in the video and he means it: telling someone else what you are learning helps reinforce the change in you. Before you move on, share what you learned about Pausing with one person in your life.