ENGAGE - The Sixth Step of PLEDGEtalk

Hi I am Mark Oelze. Welcome back to the PLEDGEtalk online course where you are learning a "how to" for when communication really matters!

This is the last video - where we will cover the sixth step of PLEDGEtalk. It corresponds with the final letter "E" and stands for Engage.

Two Ideas in Engage

There are two main ideas with this last step.

The first is a continuation of the last video, where we talked about the old principle we learned in Kindergarten, that of "taking turns." When using the steps of PLEDGEtalk to resolve conflict, we see it is necessary that we take turns speaking and listening. Often, when we both have a turn in each position, we see the need to go back for round two or even three. So we go back through the process again switching roles to give each person another chance to share. In this sense we ENGAGE the PLEDGEtalk process over and over until the conflict is resolved or we come back to a place of love and appreciation.

The second idea we mean to communicate with the idea of ENGAGE is this: though we train people to use all the principles in the order in which we teach when in conflict, we don't need to wait until we have conflict to use the principles. In fact, I teach people to use each and every principle every day when talking with others. ENGAGE in their use every time you converse!

Micah's Story - Social Capital

Several years ago, my son Micah called me up from his Graduate School in Miami. He said:

"Dad, I realized something today. At times I have thought about how you and mom weren't able to help us out a lot financially for college and grad school. BUT on the other hand you really have because you built into us Social Capital. Because you and mom taught all of us kids about how to listen well and give good eye contact, how to be strong in our communication, and to demonstrate appreciation for others when they share, you have actually saved us hundreds of thousands of dollars!"

He went on: "Dad - all three of us kids have gotten the top scholarships available at each school we attended - and I know being able to communicate and relate well, to those who interviewed us for the scholarships played a huge role in us getting them. So just wanted to say thanks!"

My son wasn't saying he figured out how to use PLEDGEtalk principles for his financial advantage over others. What he saw however is that learning well how to communicate and valuing others in the process, can bring all kinds of benefits including scholarships for school! Your kids can experience the same!

Don't Try - Do It

One more piece of advice. Don't TRY this at home. I always tell people, don't try PLEDGEtalk at home! And when they look confused I explain to them that the keyword is "try." I don't want them to "try" PLEDGEtalk, I want them to DO PLEDGEtalk! PLEDGEtalk at the outset looks and seems simple, and on some level it is. But when you put it into practice you must work at it! Only if and when you work at it will it work for you as you hope. So don't try it, do it! Work at it until you get it and it becomes a part of who you are!

What Will Happen When You Practice

When you practice each of these steps on a daily basis - here is what will happen: You will make better and stronger connections with people. You will grow in confidence knowing what to say the next time you are in a moment of conversation when what you say next really matters. You will know how to genuinely understand others and be understood. You will show others respect and gain theirs. When conflict occurs, using the principles will be like second nature. Your family will become a place of peace. Your children will learn PLEDGEtalk as you model and teach them. Knowing it will help them the rest of their lives.